Feeling Strongly Both Ways

If you know me from Facebook, you know that I like to collect quotations.  I also like to share them on Facebook as status updates.  Often, they evoke interesting responses with folks who are also interested in them. 

Recently, I posted this one from Thomas Bailey Aldrich: "To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent - that is to triumph over old age."   

My friend Kathy responded to that post with this comment:  "So many people I encounter become cynical and just downright mean and stubborn as they age, not being able to keep up with life moving forward.  I hope to keep a positive, healthy, encouraging outlook as I age."  I commented back that that is a worthy goal, and that I hope to do the same.  

But Kathy's comment reminded of another status I posted recently, one that is original with me, and is based on my own experience:  "By the time you reach middle-age, if you are not at least a little cynical, then you just haven't been paying attention."

So, then I was experiencing a little cognitive dissonance, because, while I really do believe the sentiment expressed in the Alrich quote, I also believe what I said about being cynical once you reach middle- age.  Based on my experience, I don't see how a person my age could avoid being "at least a litttle cynical."  Holding both of these seemingly oppossing opinions reminds me of something my uncle Doug Fouse said one time when he was asked him opinion about whatever topic was being argued a the time:  "I feel strongly both ways."

I'm pretty sure that Uncle Doug was being facetious, and was just opting out of the discussion.   In my case, though, Kathy's comment on the Aldrich quote I posted made me realize that, while I have been striving to maintain a positive outlook as  I age, it is also true that I am much more cynical than I was in the my younger days.  I just think I don't let that cynicism overrun my life. 

If you're like me, you know some aging people who become like the ones Kathy referred to in her comment:  "downright mean and stubborn."   To me, those people have gone beyond the trait of being "a little cynical" that I recognize in myself, to having lost the battle "to triumph over old age." Or maybe they never even tried to fight that battle.   

To me, when someone loses that battle, anyone who has been paying attention could probably understand at least some of the reasons for that.   My dad used to say that getting old is the worst sin you can commit.   By this he meant that getting older is hard work.  There are so many results of growing older (results we never expect when we are younger) that are just plain hard to accept.  Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey said it this way:  "Time is a cruel thief to rob us of our former selves. We lose as much to life as we do to death. "

So, as the years go by, what do we lose to life? We may face health issues as we get older. Usually we have less energy than we were young. Many of us aren't as incredibly handsome as we were in our younger days. Sometimes we lose people dear to us, either through death or estrangement. Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we planned or expected, causing us to lose hope or enthusiasm for living. And, if we aren't careful, we may loose the ability to look at life in positive and hopeful ways. We may fail "to keep the heart unwrinkled" and become less than we once were, not just physically, but spiritually as well. 

 

On the other hand, the events of our lives teach us things, and sometimes what we learn is not very positive or encouraging. This is what I mean when I say that someone my age is bound to be at least a little cynical. An example for me include the fact that I have encountered some people in my life who seemed to be friends, but actually were not. They proved that they were not really friends by their actions. I am not bitter about those experiences, but I would be foolish to ignore the lessons they taught me. As a result, I am now slightly cynical about people and the motivations that may drive them. I don't trust people I don't know well as much as I might have when I was younger.

Another example is my current attitude about organized religion.  Having survived lots of church drama and the psychological abuse some churches inflict on their members, I no longer choose to attend any congregation, at least for the present.  Again, I don't brood about the events that brought me to this place in my life.  But I cannot deny that I am more cynical about churches and some of the people that attend them than I was in the past.  


Another area in which life has taught me some not-so-lovely lessons is my job.  I have survived down-sizings,  company mergers and sales, and so many Dilbert moments that my attitude about work is vastly different from what it was when I started my career.   How could it not be?  If I were still the idealistic, ambitious, driven guy I was 30 years ago, I would have to agree with anyone who accused me of just not paying attention.  So, I'm a little cynical about the corporate world.  Not angry or bitter.  Just enlightened.

Having confessed to all this cynicism, I also want to explain some of the attitudes I now embrace that I think help keep my "heart unwrinkled," and that I hope will allow me to "triumph over old age."   Although I confess to being a bit distrustful of people, I am also more open to people than I once was, more willing to accept them as they are without passing judgment.  People, including me, have quirks and annoying traits.  I am happy to mostly overlook those things and focus on the good I find in them.  There is always good in everyone, if we just bother to look.

Also, although I have become a recluse from church, I have discovered the freedom to explore my faith in ways that I never dared to before.  I allow myself to ask questions, and to decide answers for myself.  God doesn't mind if we ask questions.  He is the one who gave us brains, after all.   And I find that Jesus and his love are more real to me than ever before, and I feel freer to extend that love to those around me.

Although I sometimes feel like a prisoner in Cubicle World,  I have a new appreciation for my job.  I know that I am fortunate to be employed, and to have held a good job for over 30 years.  I am fortunate to have a job that allows me to make use of the skills I have.   Corporations are about making money, and the one that employs me has to do what it takes to stay in business and, therefore, to continue to employ me.  I have begun to see beyond some of the frustrations that have plagued me for so many years, and I am now better able to take each day, and its challenges, as they come, realizing that whatever crisis today brings will be forgotten soon.

There may be future circumstances in my life, such as illness or some other hardship I can't even foresee,  that will make it difficult for me to maintain a positive outlook (mixed with a bit of cynicism).   But like my friend Kathy, my goal is to "keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent" and so "to triumph over old age."  It probably won't be easy.