Trading Control for Courage

Over the past two years, my wife Dana and I have been striving to fulfill a dream to live near our children and grandchildren in the Springfield, Missouri area. 

Dana is more of a dreamer than I am, so at first it was mostly her dream.  I usually approach things from a logical, practical perspective, which doesn't always allow a lot of room for dreaming.  I shared her feelings that it would be wonderful to be near our offspring and be more a part of their lives, but to me that seemed a bridge too far.

I mean, there were so many things that had to be worked out before we could make such a big life change.  We owned a home in Lawton, Oklahoma, and although it was a nice home in a great neighborhood, the market for existing houses in Lawton was moving very slowly.  Also, we both would have to find jobs.  At first, we assumed that this would not be a problem for Dana, who is a registered nurse, and there are always jobs for nurses.   I did not see how I could responsibly give up my job.  I had worked there for over 30 years in the defense industry.  I just didn't see how I could walk away from that, and what I could ever find to replace it in Missouri.  We also had other concerns about leaving the place we had lived for so long.  We didn't know how all these details could be timed to work together.  What should we do first?  How would we begin?


Since I have always wanted to try to control the way things happen, it was difficult for me to surrender to all these uncertainties.  What if things didn't work out?  What if we got jobs in Missouri, but couldn't sell our house in Lawton?  What if only one of us got a job, but the other one didn't? What if, what if, what if?  It all seemed too hard to me, but I was willing (although sometimes pretty frightened) to try to make it happen.

So, we did some updates on the house, and listed it for sale.  We both started applying for jobs in Missouri.  For a long time, it seemed to me that I was right, that it was all too hard to do.  Neither of us was having any luck finding jobs, and our house did not sell.  There were long periods of time when no one even looked at it.  Dana came to Springfield twice for job interviews, but neither of those opportunities worked out for her.  I was not having any luck finding employment either. 

Finally after nearly two years,  Dana got a great job.  It has proven to be the perfect job for her.  Then a week after Dana got her job, our house finally sold.  OK, great, two pieces of the puzzle were fitting together.  The only thing left was for me to get a job.  We moved Dana to Missouri in April, when her job began.  I stayed in Oklahoma to finalize the sale of the house.  I would join her in Missouri as soon as I had a job.  Or so I thought.

Throughout all of this, Dana and I had prayed for God to show us the way, and to work out the details.  And we were seeing how how the details were all working out and fitting together.  I assumed that God would see the logic of my plan to stay in Oklahoma until I had a job in Missouri.  I mean, how could I be so irresponsible as to leave a good job without another one lined up.  That was just not acceptable.  Right, God? 

Today I read a new post in one of my favorite blogs, which is written by Mark Chernoff.   In it Mark makes this statement: 

'When you attempt to control the uncontrollable you automatically block yourself from the truth.  You resist how everything works rather than learning about it.  So here’s a simple challenge for you:  Instead of trying to make things work exactly the way you want them to work, just watch them work today."

Wow!  That was a lesson I learned for myself in recent weeks.  You see, it turns out that my logical plan to find a job before I moved to Missouri did not coincide with God's plan.  Although I've had several promising leads on jobs, and a couple of interviews, I still don't have a job.   I finally came to
understand that I would have to take a leap of faith.  I would have have to walk away from that good job without another one waiting for me.  I would have to trust God.  I would have to give up control and act in faith instead.   I was beginning to understand that when God made it crystal clear to me.  A leap of faith is the only kind of leap I will be capable of for awhile, because while I was struggling with this decision,  I learned that I am going to have to have knee surgery.  I knew then that I had to go to Missouri, that I couldn't stay in Oklahoma until my plan worked out.  My plan was clearly not the plan because my plan sure didn't include a torn meniscus.

So, now I'm in Missouri with my wife, my kids and their spouses, my grandboys, and my Mom.  No job yet and a bum knee.  Sometimes I'm slightly freaked out that I'm not sure what will happen next or how long I'll have to recuperate, or when I'll get a job.  But I'm taking Mark Chernoff's advice to just watch how things turn out instead of trying to control how they turn out.  And I know I'm in the right place, because sometimes God is kind enough to speak very loudly.

You see, on the morning about three weeks ago when I walked into my boss's office and took that leap by turning in my letter of recognition, God sent me a message.  I receive a daily Bible verse via e-mail, and that morning right after I had turned in that letter, my phone vibrated to signal I had a new e-mail.  I opened it, and it said, "So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you. - Deuteronomy 31:6.”  If you read that chapter in the Bible, you'll find that the speaker is Moses.  He's telling the Israelites to go and take the Promised Land, that they could be brave because God would go ahead them, and that he would never fail them.  

Pretty cool, huh? 

Copyright © 2015 by Steven W. Fouse